I have spent so many years of my life doing doing for others. While this seems like a great thing there is a point when it becomes detrimental to one’s spirit. I am about to submit my first article for publication. I am excited and terrified all at the same time. At this point I am more concerned with the experience than the compensation, but as a full time college student I also need to do basic things like eat and pay bills. Even though I have just started walking this road, I truly feel that I have after many years of searching that I have finally found my calling.
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.”
Henry David Thoreau-US Transcendentalist author (1817 – 1862)
I mentioned in my last post that I’m re-reading Jack Canfield’s book The Success Principles. This is one of my favorite books on getting what we want out of life. The principles used by Canfield, translate into all areas, including the business or employment side. The first major concept is taking full responsibility for our current situation. For example, I went back into a relationship knowing the personality of the person and should not have been surprised with the outcome. That was my fault and I rectified it. In that situation I hadn’t yet come to the realization that I deserved so much better. When I finally did a few doors shut, but they needed to and a whole new world opened up to me. I have essentially left my old world behind to forge a new one, complete with a wonderful man.
Making life altering changes is a lot of hard work and there is no easy road. I get up at five am three days a week to make a 130 mile round trip for school. I want my bachelor’s degree it is just that simple and this is what I have to do to get it. Most people aren’t willing to go to such lengths. I have to drive farther because I live in the country, again it is all about the choices we make. Breaking a large thing into smaller chunks makes it more manageable. Instead of thinking of my bachelor’s degree as a whole I break it down into semesters, then each semester into two major parts, midterms and finals. Finally, what do I need to accomplish each week.
Lake Degray last summer.
Another principle is having a clear road map with goals including date of completion, the more specific the goals the better and more likely we are to achieve it. That is what I am working on now. I am a senior in college. I want to have a portfolio of writing projects ready by the time I graduate if not sooner. I started working on that goal this weekend by submitting writing samples to a professional blog. I am applying for a contributing writer position and I should hear something by the end of the month.
In order to find time in my busy schedule, and make it part of my routine, I decided I would write my new posts each Sunday morning. Thank you to all those who make the Fireside Journal a part of your morning routine.
I officially changed my major last week. Any doubts I had about my new direction were laid to rest when I met with the chair of the technical writing department. I was worried that the five English courses I had taken would not count toward my new degree however, those classes now make up my minor. Next fall will be an exciting semester for me, I will complete my minor, language and lower level math requirements. Including fall semester, I have four more semesters until I graduate with my bachelor’s degree. I am finally starting to see light at the edge of the proverbial tunnel.
I am re-reading Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles. I will post each week to give an over view of the book and how it has helped me make changes to some of my self-defeating behaviors.
I am currently on spring break and gearing up for the last six weeks of school. I am finishing my fourth semester at a local university where I thought my goal was to be a English major. However, something just doesn’t feel right. Something else has been whispering in my ear, but with all the commotion of school I haven’t had the time to slow down and determine if this was the right choice. I know what I don’t what to do and that is teach in a regular school setting. What prompted this change or perhaps just really brought it to my attention was the nonfiction class I am currently taking as well as a discussion with the professor who teaches that course.
I want to write it is that simple. I’m not even that picky about what I write about, I have an amazing aptitude for finding most things interesting. I am seriously considering changing my major to technical writing to help me break into other areas of writing besides my creative projects. I can still write stories when my muse clobbers me on the head, (she is really hard to ignore at times.) I have always wanted to work from home, and freelance work would allow me to do that. I realize the financial side of freelance writing is uncertain, but I could also work part time if need be. We still have to make our financial obligations. I wish I had though to make this change earlier as it means taking a step back, but sometimes it is necessary to go down a few wrong paths to find the right one. Part of my hesitation to make this change is my indecision to do something for myself. College is one of the few things that I am doing completely for myself. Yes, I want to get into a different line of work, but this is also for my own enrichment as a human being. Life is like driving. We are constantly making small course corrections and going to places we don’t want to visit again. Seeing those places and knowing what we don’t want is what gets us closer to our goals.
As I write this we are in the middle of thawing out from our latest ice storm. My boyfriend put in raised bed gardens and planted them. While most of the crops should be fine, he thinks the seeds will have to be replanted. I can’t wait to start cooking with the vegetables from our gardens. The produce at the stores lacks all flavor, it reminds me of reading a great book with an anticlimactic ending. I love to cook, but what is the point when the dishes lack flavor? It’s not just flavor that is lacking, but the nutrient content as well. There is just something about wandering out to the garden, gathering salad items, and going inside to have it fresh. The meal is so much more satisfying all the way around from the growing to the preparation.
I initially started this blog as an outlet for my emotional baggage. I knew if I didn’t take some time out to work on myself my demons would just follow me. So instead I turned around and decided to stare them down. I can’t say that they are entirely gone most days we have a truce and I have a better understanding of the dark places in my soul. I still run headlong into those demons from time to time, but now instead of facing them down alone I have a wonderful man in my life who wants to be my partner and help. If someone had asked me nine months ago that this is were I would be I would have laughed and told them they were full of BS. How was I to know that my world would have to fall completely apart so it could be rebuilt in a way I could have never imagined.
Every now and then I take a break from blogging, Facebook and twitter to just be. This hiatus was a little longer than I intended however, it started with the loss of my job. I was then forced to move home out of financial necessity. After that low spot I met a wonderful man fell in love and we moved in together. It has all been very Cinderella like, I still have to make certain at times that this is not a dream I’m going to suddenly wake up from. At any rate I’m in my third semester at a university and life is very good. At any rate I am going to make a point to blog as regularly as my time permits.
At 36 I’ve been married and divorced, I’ve dated and been single, but even at this juncture in my journey, life is still able to hit me square in the face with a curve ball. I believe that everything happens for a reason, that the pain of life is just another lesson in the never ending school of hard knocks. Perhaps, life’s miseries are a prelude to something better. It’s through these lessons we are prepared to meet that one person who will change our whole life, by accepting us as we are. They take us to a place we’ve never been before.
That is the road I’m on now. I’m a restless wandering soul always looking, searching although I never knew exactly what I was looking for. I found it and it is beautiful, amazing and insane all at the same time. I fell in love and every aspect of my life in sweeter because of it.