What I know right now

So much of my life is in hurry up and wait status, I wanted to take a moment and remember and be grateful for what I have. I’ve settled into my apartment which means I have a temperature controlled environment and running water. I have lived without these things. I have enough to eat in this economy not all of us can say that. I’ve regained my independence; I can put a check mark in that box. I have just about to wrapped up my first semester at the university, can almost put a check there.

My frustration comes from the things in my life I have little or no control over at all. Conflicting work schedules with my significant other make  getting together very difficult. It is a great irony that the only person I want to spend time with I can’t because of work and family obligations. So I wait, write and hope that the outcome of the one thing we can control turns out for our benefit and at some point all the other issues that are keeping us apart reconcile themselves. Right now all I want is to lay down in his arms and sleep. In true Scorpio fashion I don’t do anything in half measures. I love with all of my being and when he leaves it feels like my heart gets ripped out of my chest then immediately is put back in. I’m not much use for the rest of the day and have a hard time being grateful for the few stolen hours we get. I’ve only seen him twice since I moved in the end of October. I cry as I write this I’ll admit that, I’m not one to let my feelings out I don’t want to be a burden on any one and regardless of my friends best intentions we are doing the best we can with what we have right now. Sometimes I just need to vent I don’t need anyone to make it better I just need a sympathetic ear and a hug.  Somethings are worth waiting for and this is one of those cases.


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