Change is Inevitable

As the end of the semester approaches like a bullet train running late, I have a moment to pause and pull myself together. Tomorrow I’ll start packing for my move. I’ll miss my independence, but as with all things it’s a juggling act. I have to remember that this could always be worse I could have no family or friends able to take me in. At least I’ll have a roof over my head and be fed until I can figure out what my next move is. My life right know is a game of 52 pick up, where the kiddo throws the cards all over the floor then laughs at the mess. I’m trying to laugh but it’s difficult. I’ll have to back to living out of boxes with no real space of my own. I believe that there is a payoff or some sort of lesson the universe is trying to teach me. Just breathe do the best I can with the hand I’ve been dealt.

I’m trying to think positive that this too shall pass and the payoff is down the line when I graduate. Sometimes I have trouble seeing the proverbial light. I thought if I could set some goals that I could achieve in a shorter time frame that would give me makers on my progress. I’m not certain what they might be at this point, but it sounds like a good plan. I hate all the uncertainty I have no answers for anything just a lot of maybe I could do this…just need to get through the 9th which is my final then maybe I’ll be able to breathe and figure things out.

The most precious gift

My mother called several hours ago to tell me my grandmother had had a stroke and was not doing very well. The news left me feeling like I’m loosing something I’ve never really had the time to truly appreciate. We moved away from my grandmother twenty years ago, I’ve only had a the chance to see her a few times since then. I’ve always been busy.

Busy at what? I asked myself, as we all are putting food on the table and a roof over my head. My inner voice replied. I’m certain there are things that are not as important that could wait, unnecessary things. We must pare down not only our material possessions, but our time obligations as well. What are we so busy at that we are loosing the most precious gift we have. Time. I need solitude quit a lot in fact or I get stressed and overwhelmed which sends me straight into a Migraine.

Time. We think we have so much of it, but can be stolen without any warning. Rekindle friendships with those you’ve lost touch with. I’ll admit I have some relatives that I see maybe once a once a year. We also need to learn how to let go of the relationships that no long serve us those also waste time and energy. That is a lesson I’ve learned the hard way. I have learned I have no patience for those who don’t add something to my life. Laughter being my personal favorite. Life is short don’t be too busy or afraid to say the things to someone they need to hear. I write these as much for myself as for those who read this blog. Don’t get too focused on ambitions take time for friends and family.

Dare to Be…

Coming to grips with my new reality

It’s been a week since my world underwent a polar shift. I’ve gone through a grieving process of sorts and now I’m able to function again. I’m in the process of setting up my schedule for the fall semester. I’m able to see many more possibilities, transitions are difficult at best, but this has opened doors I would not have considered otherwise. I’m taking things one priority at a time. First off finish my last writing project then study for finals then worry about the move. I’ll figure out my living arrangements over the summer.

I bought a tent and plan to go camping as much as possible this summer. A mini-vacation is well deserved at this point, solitude and I are close confidantes. I’ve already scouted out a nice place in one of the national parks near my folks.

Bright Blessings

The ebb and flow of life

School has taken over most of the free time I have. Once again my blog has been relegated to the wayside for awhile, but now I’m inspired to write if only to make sense of the events in my life. It seems that uneasy feeling I had about how things were going too well was not unfounded paranoia. We all have that little voice that says hey, wait a minute this isn’t quit right. Well, it seems that my life as I knew it is over. Now I have to pick up the pieces and move on. I see these events as a fresh start an hour later or less (my moods are erratic right now) I’m not sure what to do. Due to financial issues I’m having to move back in with my folks. I am eternally grateful I have that option, but for me it’s seems like all my hard work has blown up in my face. I’m not going to go into anything specific here as some of my readers know me personally to those I thank you for your support. I don’t know a lot right now other than I’m grateful to my friends and family. I’m dealing with mixed bag of guilt, anxiety and helplessness, my hard won independence is gone again. This situation makes doing my homework difficult at best. I may have to take my computer to a neutral location and work. My apartment is not conducive to writing, all I see is all the stuff I have to move by mid May.

And this too shall pass.

Bright Blessings to all
When all else fails go back to the beginning…