Finding my direction

I am currently on spring break and gearing up for the last six weeks of school. I am finishing my fourth semester at a local university where I thought my goal was to be a English major. However, something just doesn’t feel right. Something else has been  whispering in my ear, but with all the commotion of school I haven’t had the time to slow down and determine if this was the right choice. I know what I don’t what to do and that is teach in a regular school setting.  What prompted this change or perhaps just really brought it to my attention was the nonfiction class I am currently taking as well as a discussion with the  professor who teaches that course.

I want to write it is that simple. I’m not even that picky about what I write about, I have an amazing aptitude for finding most things interesting. I am seriously considering changing my major to technical writing to help me break into other areas of writing besides my creative projects. I can still write stories when my muse clobbers me on the head, (she is really hard to ignore at times.)  I have always wanted to work from home, and freelance work would allow me to do that. I realize the financial side of freelance writing is uncertain, but I could also work part time if need be. We still have to make our financial obligations.  I wish I had though to make this change earlier as it means taking a step back, but sometimes it is necessary to go down a few wrong paths to  find the right one.  Part of my hesitation to make this change is my indecision to do something for myself. College is one of the few things that I am doing completely for myself. Yes, I want to get into a different line of work, but this is also for my own enrichment as a human being. Life is like driving. We are constantly making small course corrections and going to places we don’t want to visit again. Seeing those places and knowing what we don’t want is what  gets us closer to our goals.

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The flavor of life

As I write this we are in the middle of thawing out from our latest ice storm. My boyfriend put in raised bed gardens and planted them. While most of the crops should be fine, he thinks the seeds will have to be replanted. I can’t wait to start cooking with the vegetables from our gardens. The produce at the stores lacks all flavor, it reminds me of reading a great book with an anticlimactic ending. I love to cook, but what is the point when the dishes lack flavor? It’s not just flavor that is lacking, but the nutrient content as well.  There is just something about wandering out to the garden, gathering salad items, and going inside to have it fresh. The meal is so much more satisfying all the way around from the growing to the preparation.

I initially started this blog as an outlet for my emotional baggage. I knew if I didn’t take some time out to work on myself my demons would just follow me. So instead I turned around and decided to stare them down. I can’t say that they are entirely gone most days we have a truce and I have a better understanding of the dark places in my soul.  I still run headlong into those demons from time to time, but now instead of facing them down alone I have a wonderful man in my life who wants to be my partner and help. If someone had asked me nine months ago that this is were I would be I would have laughed and told them they were full of BS. How was I to know that my world would have to fall completely apart so it could be rebuilt in a way I could have never imagined.