It is an interesting oddity of life that the smallest object, smell, or even taste can bring back a flood of memories. I was washing my dishes this morning, and I picked up my spoon rest to wash it. I was instantly reminded of where I bought it.
It was a cold windy day about two years ago, my mom and I went to a craft show that was held at the county fairgrounds. We walked up, down and between all the tables. We chatted with people about their crafts and I was sorry to see the attendance low because of the weather. Perhaps, though the cold was a blessing, most of the people where were huddled inside to keep warm. My mother bought a lovely black and white scarf., and I bought a small vibrant blue piece of pottery with swirls. I see it every day as it sits on top of my stove, a reminder to precious time spent with my mom.
I have spent so many years of my life doing doing for others. While this seems like a great thing there is a point when it becomes detrimental to one’s spirit. I am about to submit my first article for publication. I am excited and terrified all at the same time. At this point I am more concerned with the experience than the compensation, but as a full time college student I also need to do basic things like eat and pay bills. Even though I have just started walking this road, I truly feel that I have after many years of searching that I have finally found my calling.
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.”
Henry David Thoreau-US Transcendentalist author (1817 – 1862)
In order to find time in my busy schedule, and make it part of my routine, I decided I would write my new posts each Sunday morning. Thank you to all those who make the Fireside Journal a part of your morning routine.
I officially changed my major last week. Any doubts I had about my new direction were laid to rest when I met with the chair of the technical writing department. I was worried that the five English courses I had taken would not count toward my new degree however, those classes now make up my minor. Next fall will be an exciting semester for me, I will complete my minor, language and lower level math requirements. Including fall semester, I have four more semesters until I graduate with my bachelor’s degree. I am finally starting to see light at the edge of the proverbial tunnel.
I am re-reading Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles. I will post each week to give an over view of the book and how it has helped me make changes to some of my self-defeating behaviors.
As I write this we are in the middle of thawing out from our latest ice storm. My boyfriend put in raised bed gardens and planted them. While most of the crops should be fine, he thinks the seeds will have to be replanted. I can’t wait to start cooking with the vegetables from our gardens. The produce at the stores lacks all flavor, it reminds me of reading a great book with an anticlimactic ending. I love to cook, but what is the point when the dishes lack flavor? It’s not just flavor that is lacking, but the nutrient content as well. There is just something about wandering out to the garden, gathering salad items, and going inside to have it fresh. The meal is so much more satisfying all the way around from the growing to the preparation.
I initially started this blog as an outlet for my emotional baggage. I knew if I didn’t take some time out to work on myself my demons would just follow me. So instead I turned around and decided to stare them down. I can’t say that they are entirely gone most days we have a truce and I have a better understanding of the dark places in my soul. I still run headlong into those demons from time to time, but now instead of facing them down alone I have a wonderful man in my life who wants to be my partner and help. If someone had asked me nine months ago that this is were I would be I would have laughed and told them they were full of BS. How was I to know that my world would have to fall completely apart so it could be rebuilt in a way I could have never imagined.
At 36 I’ve been married and divorced, I’ve dated and been single, but even at this juncture in my journey, life is still able to hit me square in the face with a curve ball. I believe that everything happens for a reason, that the pain of life is just another lesson in the never ending school of hard knocks. Perhaps, life’s miseries are a prelude to something better. It’s through these lessons we are prepared to meet that one person who will change our whole life, by accepting us as we are. They take us to a place we’ve never been before.
That is the road I’m on now. I’m a restless wandering soul always looking, searching although I never knew exactly what I was looking for. I found it and it is beautiful, amazing and insane all at the same time. I fell in love and every aspect of my life in sweeter because of it.
People cross my path on a regular basis sometimes it’s just for a brief meeting other times they stay awhile, but invariably I learn something. One of the lessons I was reminded of yet again was that chronological age doesn’t equal emotional maturity. This experience did teach me some positive things, the first is how important the little things are especially to me. Things like having doors opened for me and for someone to know what I like to drink and bring it to me without asking. This basic respect has been completely absent from my life and now that I know how it feels, I will accept no less. I have had to actually learn that it’s not selfish for me to be putting some aspects of my life on hold while I go to school it’s a way for me to get ahead in the world. Going back to school has been my dream for many years . My Migraines have always been a big stumbling block for me, they have kept me from doing a great many things, but now as I stare down 37, I’m finally coming into my own. I like the metaphor of the soup pot, sometimes we especially women have to take time for ourselves to make more otherwise we give so much we have little left for others. This is not selfish.
I have been making a concerted effort to deal with some of my emotional baggage, I’m on a journey to become a better person. I am far from perfect, but through this process I have accepted the bad things that have happened to me, they are part of my mental landscape. Our experiences make us who were are and yes, at times they may rear their ugly heads, but if I can recognize that I’m having a mini meltdown that was triggered by something completely innocent that just makes me human. This also makes me more aware than most.
I went on a solo camping trip Monday. Unfortunately, I had to cut my outing short and come home a day early due to bad weather. I was able for just a few hours to slow down and see the small things in life. I was sitting on a rock by the lake and was visited by a spider who came scurrying past and into a crevasse in the rock. This spider was a great metaphor for life. I looked down again to see a caterpillar and smiled at how often we miss the micro in our oversized world. I sat awhile just letting my thoughts wander to nothing specific enjoying the feel of the wind on my skin.
I read a book just because I could. I made a meal over a open fire and was one with Mother Nature through two thunderstorms. When we get away from all the trappings of life it becomes readily apparent what is necessary and what is luxury.
Dare to Be….