In order to find time in my busy schedule, and make it part of my routine, I decided I would write my new posts each Sunday morning. Thank you to all those who make the Fireside Journal a part of your morning routine.
I officially changed my major last week. Any doubts I had about my new direction were laid to rest when I met with the chair of the technical writing department. I was worried that the five English courses I had taken would not count toward my new degree however, those classes now make up my minor. Next fall will be an exciting semester for me, I will complete my minor, language and lower level math requirements. Including fall semester, I have four more semesters until I graduate with my bachelor’s degree. I am finally starting to see light at the edge of the proverbial tunnel.
I am re-reading Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles. I will post each week to give an over view of the book and how it has helped me make changes to some of my self-defeating behaviors.
I’m working on a paper titled Slavery and the Splintered Self in Toni Morrison’s Beloved. This was not the original subject matter when I started working on this project, but it was more geared toward slavery and its effect on motherhood. It seems my own process of excavating my slumbering intellect wove its way in and altered my topic. My paper became an extension of the process that I’m going through. At 36 with a long intermittent college career, I have finally been able to return and stay in school; what I’m experiencing now is a reawakening and reorganizing of my concept of self. I have forgotten so much that now everyday is like a new discovery (the kid in a candy store cliché comes to mind.) I received a comment on a rough draft that the paper seemed like it was written by two different people in essence it was . Dealing with a controlling former spouse, an emotionally abusive former fiancée and a bevy of other control freaks, I put aside my own intelligence, wants and needs because I was young and didn’t know there was another way. A line in the original Dune movie sums up this process “The sleeper must awaken.”
I am older and much wiser now. I can’t berate myself for learning this lesson at this stage, there is a psychology at work here that goes back to my childhood. I am breaking out of a circle of behavior that I refuse to be a part of anymore and if that leaves me single for the rest of my life than so be it. I have learned so much these past two semesters, but the greatest lessons are the one the universe has granted me the clarity of sight to truly see. They are the ones that are redesigning the interior landscape of how I perceive my self.
It’s been a week since my world underwent a polar shift. I’ve gone through a grieving process of sorts and now I’m able to function again. I’m in the process of setting up my schedule for the fall semester. I’m able to see many more possibilities, transitions are difficult at best, but this has opened doors I would not have considered otherwise. I’m taking things one priority at a time. First off finish my last writing project then study for finals then worry about the move. I’ll figure out my living arrangements over the summer.
I bought a tent and plan to go camping as much as possible this summer. A mini-vacation is well deserved at this point, solitude and I are close confidantes. I’ve already scouted out a nice place in one of the national parks near my folks.
It seems I’m having trouble nailing my posterior down to a chair in order to get things done. The procrastination devil is sitting on my right shoulder, while the deadline angel is reminding me that I have 2 essays due on Tuesday. My dilemma is partially the debt I’m going into to continue my education. I’m not certain if it’s worth it. How are these courses going to enrich me and my life? I have discovered one thing I didn’t know before I have a big interest in etymology. Last semster was my first, I took an English history course. I loved it. I’ve learned to do some rudemntary translation of Old English (closer to German) to Modern English.
Perhaps, it’s just me. I have so many balls in the air at once I have little time for social life. Which is rather ironic since now I have someone in my life I want to spend time with. At one time or another we all find ourselves in a place full of shadows. Our doubts and fears pulling us down making us uncertain if our choices were the correct ones. I have wanted to go back to school for many years to prove I could do it if to no one other than myself. Am I the hamster in the wheel getting no where fast? Or is this the path that leads to somewhere great? Right now I don’t have an answere, but I hope some will be forthcoming. A little from the universe right now would be greatly appreciated. When I’m feeling lost I remind myself of the little things. I have wonderful friends and framily.; a roof over my head, a good running vehicle and plenty to eat. Not all are as fortunate as I am at this moment.
After shelving one of my writing projects in favor of a new one I came back to it. I couldn’t figure what I was doing wrong until I went back and reread Selgin’s book By Cunning and Craft. I had unknowingly written myself into corner by limiting my point of view. I started working on it again last night; I wrote 4 pages and WOW what a difference. I now have layers of characters. I can show how my human and non-human characters relate to each other and see the world. This has really brought an interesting dimension to my book.
Yes, I am one of those paranoid writers that does not want my book titles or any of my ideas out in the public eye at this point. However, previously I had wanted to start a series of posts to document my progress in order to do that I need to be clear on what my writing project is. The working title of this book is The Healer’s Daughter it would fall into the fantasy genre. My first draft is comprised of 140 pages, I’m doing a line by line rewrite adding deleting and moving paragraphs as I see fit. I have a 1 page preface and 5 pages written on this second draft.
I head back to school on the 15th with that said I want more than ever to have a sort of journal of my writing journey. I juggle so many things in my life. I want to make certain that I find or schedule the time to write. I also want to keep up with this series of posts. I don’t usually plan what I’m going to write it just happens to be what is on my mind and the time I sit down and grab my laptop. I’m not the most organized person I REALLY have to work at it I thought I would pick a day of the week and put up a post every week. If I write this post every week on the same day it will turn into a habit; I believe that takes about three weeks. That right now is my plan. However, we all know about the best laid plans.
Dare to be…
It’s May, 1st my last official class before finals next week. It’s going to be 88 degrees today. I have some social activities lined up for this week. I almost forgot what that was like. Fun what’s that? I have to work, study and so on. I was recently reminded again (I’m dense) by a co-worker that going out with friends to have a drink is a good thing. Sometimes I can get so focused on my goals that everything else goes by the wayside. Then I wonder why I’m so grumpy …BALANCE. I think I’ll have that tattoed on me somewhere as a reminder. My subconscious knows when I need a time out even if I don’t realize it. It’s the universe’s gentle reminder that life isn’t all work and no play.
I’ve one regular test left, then my final and that’s it. I can’t wait to have a little bit of my life and days off back. At least for the summer months, by August, I’ll be thoroughly sick of the heat and ready to get back into my studies.
I was in bed with a headache most of the day yesterday. The little bastards’ hit me a the worst times. I would have liked to get some more studing done, but sitting in front of my computer would have just made it worse. It is what it is… We all have to accept and work around our issues with as much grace as we can muster. Somedays I have the proverbial bull by the horns other days those horns are a hair’s breath from my ass.