I have heard many times that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I’m guilty. I admit it but, in my own defense it hard to push out of one’s comfort zone but, I’ve done it. I realized that I have been in a vicious circle due to behavior that is detrimental to my spirit. Now, I’m on a new road. One where I’m making a conscious effort to explore this behavior, drag it out into the light and dissect it. It’s an old hurt from my childhood but, sometimes when old wounds don’t heal its necessary to reopen them so they can heal properly. Otherwise they follow me damaging everything I touch. Ignoring something won’t make it go away it just festers and returns time after time until its dealt with. Trust me it part of the reason I’m divorced and single again. The men in my life have some personality traits that while charming are not good for me or my spirit.
This is the first in a series of posts relating to my book on migraines it’ll be a memoir or autobiography type. I have written an introduction and have the topics for the first three chapters worked out. Not alot of progress but, forward momentum none the less.
Dare to be…
in the moment
not afraid to follow your Bliss
I survived my birthday. I bought me some flowers since no one else thought of it $10 for flowers $2 for the vase and a very happy birthday to me. My birthday is so important to me because I add another year of surviving my Migraines. Thirty-one this year it means I got through another year and gratefully I have fewer bad days to deal with, but nothing is certain. I could be thrown into a myriad of things that trigger my Migraines and back into Hell I go. For each day, I can wake up and not have to immediately roll over and take my medicine is a gift. A precious offering not to be squandered on petty things. I cultivate friendships like I would a garden. Listen to my inner voice when it tells me I’m off course. Those adjustments can carry a high cost, I can only ignore them for so long. My direction changes leave me in transition; a place of endings and beginnings. Like most people I fear change. I get comfortable in my own distress, wear it like a blanket because I know it and it’s comfortable. Here I wallow in what I know and what could be my future; nothing changes nor will it until I make a decision and for good, bad or better deal with the consequences.
I’ve had Migraines since I was five years old. I thought it was about time I put my experiences on paper. There are many books from the medical standpoint, but I don’t believe many are being written on how it affects every aspect of a Migraineur’s life. I started on my book last week. My goal is to blog regularly about. my progress. I’m hoping that this will help me to stay on track and have at least in my mind some definite accountability for my progress. A friend of mine suggested to get six chapters written then put a proposal together and find an editor or publisher for my project.
Witting does not occure in a straight line. I just decided I wanted to do this project, found what I thought was a good starting point and started. I have two chapters, they have a couple of pages each. The working title is Coming out of the dark.
Dare to be…
“A positive attitude may not solve all your poblems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
I don’t want my fear to limit what I can accomplish. I want to own it and the doubt and insecurity that accompany it. What if I fail? At least I can say I tried and learned from my mistakes. I will still be able to look at myself in the mirror with honesty and say ok that didn’t work so I’ll try something else. What if I succeed? A multitude of new doors could open for me. What a wonderful thing that would be. I don’t want to have a box that needs a check in it to be empty because I was afraid to even try. Fear is a ball and chain around our ankles slowing us down and making our spirits so melancholy we want to give up before we even get started. Well, I had the key hanging around my neck and I ‘m tired of all this weight; I just needed a little prod in the right direction.
So here is what I decided
I need to change my major my little voice is telling me that this is the wrong path.
I refuse to let my fear of what could happen define me.
I need to thank someone who helped shed light into a shadowy corner I didn’t want to look in.